


Which One?

by watanuki_sama



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Implied Underage Sex, M/M, Twincest, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-27
Updated: 2013-02-27
Packaged: 2017-12-03 20:04:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/702085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watanuki_sama/pseuds/watanuki_sama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaoru always knew the day would come, when Hikaru stopped playing their game and left him. He just didn't know it would affect him this much, or that it would hurt this much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Which One?

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted 05/23/2007 on ff.net under the penname 'EFAW'.

_Which one is Hikaru-kun?_

_Which one is Kaoru-kun?_

_Which one?_

At first it had just been a game. Just a simple game to see whether or not people actually _could_ tell them apart. Then it became a search, looking for someone he could, someone who would know who was who. Their maid had said no one ever would be able to, and for both of them, that had been scary. If no one could tell them apart, then did that mean they were the same? That they weren't really two, but _one_.

But no, that was wrong. After all, what wasn't Hikaru-kun was Kaoru-kun, and what was Kaoru-kun wasn't Hikaru-kun.

Besides, they knew that. They knew that they were separate, because _they_ could tell who was who. So why did anyone else matter? They didn't need to play a stupid game, because Kaoru-kun knew which was Hikaru-kun, and Hikaru-kun knew which was Kaoru-kun.

After all, what wasn't one, was the other.

**XXXX**

So when had the game stopped being a game? When had the game become a challenge, a test to see who would break that shell? When had Kaoru started worrying that one day there _would_ be someone who could tell who was who? When had it only mattered that _he_ knew who was Hikaru and who was Kaoru? When…?

Probably…probably when Milord began guessing, Kaoru supposed. When Milord was trying so very hard to figure out who was who, when he jumped out from behind random corners, pointed, and shouted "That one is Hikaru-kun!" When he was almost always wrong, not that the two would ever admit it. After all, Tamaki could give no reason why he thought one was Hikaru-kun and why one was not.

That was the beginning. The beginning of 'Us' becoming 'Not Us'. If it wasn't 'Us' then there was no reason to pay any attention. Except Milord had wriggled and nagged and pointed and followed until he had broken through, until not even they realized he was inside.

The mortar in the wall that separated them from everyone else had been picked and chipped at until that tiny little weed could slip through and grow and grow and grow until it had taken seed.

At first, Kaoru had greatly respected Milord, simply because he _had_ slipped in, through a back way that no one else would have ever cared to try. No one else had ever been so…what was it, desperation? Whatever it was that made Milord follow as he had, no one else had done it. No one else had ever tried to climb beyond that wall.

And all it took was someone to guess correctly in their game for them to realize they had been invaded all along.

But Kaoru, silly, stupid Kaoru, couldn't hate her. Even though she had invaded their world, had begun to tear the two of them apart, even though she had taken away what was most precious to him, Kaoru couldn't hate her. After all, she didn't know she was doing it. She had no idea what her words had done.

_"Yes, you're alike. But the same? No way."_

She didn't understand that they needed to be the same, that Kaoru needed other people to see them as the same. Otherwise Kaoru had no claim over Hikaru. They were connected because no one could tell who they were except for themselves. If someone else could tell which one was Hikaru-kun, then the game was over and Hikaru would stop playing.

And he'd walk away from Kaoru.

Hikaru didn't even notice. Hikaru couldn't even see that she was pulling them apart, that her little ability to know who was who was pulling them and stretching until the seams were ripping and they were falling away from each other. After all, Hikaru never had been much of one for knowing his own emotions. He had no idea that what he felt for Haruhi went beyond just being amused by a new 'toy'.

But Kaoru could see it. And it hurt, knowing that Hikaru was leaving him for _her_.

And he could do _nothing_ to stop it.

**XXXX**

"Do you want to stop?"

Kaoru glanced up, eyes reflecting a puzzled confusion at the Shadow King's words. All that met his gaze was an impenetrable sheen of light flashing over thin frames, covering what appeared a moment later as dark and sympathetic eyes.

"What do you mean?"

Kyoya cast a glance across the room, where Hikaru was fraternizing with Haruhi, much to Tamaki's despair. Then the Ootori returned his gaze to the redhead in front of him, eyes still carrying that sympathetic and understanding look that seemed so strange on his normally cold face.

"The brotherly-love act. Do you want to stop? I'm sure I could figure something else out that would utilize both of your talents…"

The younger twin blinked, a sudden flash of realization crossing his face. "Was it that obvious?"

The dark-haired king smiled thinly, pushing at his glasses. "Not really. But I have experience, so I could spot it."

Kaoru looked back over at the others, Tamaki pulling at Hikaru's uniform while the redhead leaned over and whispered something most likely nonsensical to Haruhi.

"Ah! You lo—"

"Finish that sentence and you _will_ regret it."

Kaoru grinned sheepishly and nodded, settling back into the plush seat. "Saa…I really think we should keep our… _act_ up. For the club's profits and…everything."

The Demon Lord gave him another long look, before nodding slowly and looking back down at his notebook. "Alright then. But if you want to stop, I'll understand."

And, Kaoru thought, Kyoya-senpai would understand. After all, Kyoya-sempai knew just what it was like to cherish someone so much that it hurt, to love someone so deeply that to be without that person would tear his soul in two. And Kyoya-sempai knew what it was like to lose that precious someone, to never have had that precious someone in the first place.

Yes, Kyoya-sempai knew very well. He understood, because he felt the same way about _his_ precious someone.

**XXXX**

_Which one is Hikaru-kun?_

That one.

_Why do you say that?_

Because that one is over there.

_But you're wrong. I'm Hikaru-kun._

No. Because Hikaru-kun is walking away.

Hikaru-kun isn't standing still wanting something he shouldn't want.

_Kaoru-kun is…_

**XXXX**

"Kaoru-kun? Are you okay?"

The redhead glanced up at the dark-eyed demon, smiling thinly. "H-hai. I'm fine…"

_Why?_ Why was Kyoya-sempai asking if he was okay? It…it should have been _Hikaru_. Hikaru should have been standing there, giving him that sympathetic glance. Hikaru should have been the one sitting beside him, wrapping an arm around him and pulling him close. He should be crying into Hikaru's shoulder right now, not…not Kyoya-sempai's. Hikaru…it should have been Hikaru…

_But Hikaru isn't here._

Hikaru should have been the one here, now, comforting Kaoru as he cried.

But Hikaru wasn't here. Hikaru was with _her_. Hikaru was far, far away with her, and only getting farther away with every passing day. Their little world of 'Us' had changed, and that wall that separated 'Us' from 'Not Us' had been torn down in places.

And Hikaru had taken a step over that wall, had crawled through that passage and was walking in a bright new world, a world they'd never traveled through. Hikaru was taking his baby steps into the world of 'Not Us'.

And Kaoru was still lingering inside that wall, terrified to trespass outside. No, much better to stay inside, where it was familiar and he knew the rules, knew everything that should happen here.

Except it shouldn't feel this lonely to stay here.

Then again…Hikaru should be here.

_But he isn't._

**XXXX**

When did it change? When did simple comfort become something else? When did things change so drastically between them? Was it when Hikaru first kissed Haruhi? It was quite on accident, but it happened. Was it when Tamaki confessed to her that maybe he wasn't feeling _just_ fatherly things towards her? It was clumsy and not a very good confession, but it happened.

Kyoya-sempai wasn't his first, nor was he his second or third. But he was the first who was 'Not Us'. And it wasn't anything like how it normally was, either. It was hard and fast and it _hurt_ , and he cried, but Kyoya-sempai was crying too, even though Kyouya-sempai had his eyes closed and it was _so obvious_ he was crying even though he kept saying he wasn't.

When did things become so _complex_?

**XXXX**

He should have locked the door.

That was Kaoru's first thought. He should have locked the door, because even though the others had left there was no real guarantee that they wouldn't come back for something. He _should_ have…

But then, he should have been able to fall in love with _someone else_. He should have been able to step outside of 'Us' and try to walk in a new place. He should have.

So many should haves…

Without a word, Haruhi gently pushed Mori-sempai and Hunny-sempai out of the 3rd Music Room, the door sounding loud when it shut behind her. In the ensuing silence, Kyouya-sempai gently pushed himself upright, carefully setting his skewed glasses right and gazing coolly at Milord and Hikaru.

There was a sheen of ice in the dark orbs that wasn't normally there, though.

"Do you need something?"

The Ootori's voice carried ice in it that wasn't normally there either. Strangely, even with the chill in the words, it seemed to be just the thing to break the sudden tension in the room.

"What are you _doing_?"

Tamaki was the first to react, hands clenching into fists as the question came out.

Kaoru was the only one close enough to notice the slight clench to the Shadow King's jaw, or the way his fingers tightened ever so slightly as he readjusted his jacket. "That's really none of your business, is it?

"Kyouya…"

Kaoru was surprised at the rage in Milord's voice. Was it rage? Maybe it was something else. He wasn't, however, quite as surprised at the flicker of pain that ran across Kyouya-sempai's eyes. To the other two, it wouldn't have even been seen, hidden behind those glasses, but Kaoru was close enough to see.

He rather didn't like seeing it.

The Ootori said nothing, just stared flatly at Tamaki and Kaoru. After a few moment, with no regard to anyone else in the room, he stalked off, gliding past an enraged Tamaki and a frozen Kaoru with only a light click of his shoes on tile.

A moment later, Tamaki whirled around, slamming the door open so hard it hit the wall.

Kaoru gave a nervous laugh, running his hands through hair to try and set the mussed locks back in order. "Wonder why Milord's so angry? You'd think it wouldn't matter."

The words broke whatever spell held Hikaru, and the older twin blinked.

"Why?"

Kaoru fastidiously avoided his brother's gaze, looking down at his shirt and neatly doing up his buttons, knowing it would be full of hurt and pain and betrayal and _so many things_ that he didn't want to deal with. If he could just close his eyes and pretend it didn't exist, just keep moving and leave it behind, then it couldn't possibly be real, everything could be a dream and he could just wake up from it and—

"Kaoru, _why_?"

The younger shut his eyes, giving a hollow, bitter laugh that sounded dead even in his ears. Then he turned to his twin, looking inexplicably tired.

"You were never going to look at me, Hikaru. And it stopped being something I could win when she saw through us."

No, it stopped being a game long before that. It stopped being a game when Milord was trying, maybe even before. It stopped so long ago…

But it hadn't mattered. So long as no one won, so long as Kaoru could keep Hikaru to himself…so long as there was _'Us'_ …

"Kaoru…I don't un—"

The younger stood, giving a thin, tired smile to his brother. "I know you don't, Hikaru. And that's okay. You're still my precious, beloved brother. And I will _always_ love you. No matter what happens, you'll always be my number one. But…you just don't get it."

He crossed the room in a few easy steps, marveling at how that look, that deep look of betrayal, made the older seem younger. Still smiling, his eyes were sad as he leaned down and gave Hikaru a hug. "You simply don't understand."

Then he was pulling back, pulling away from Hikaru, and things would never… _could_ never be the same again.

"But Kyouya-sempai does. And that's all there is to it."

And then he was gone.

**XXXX**

_Which one is Hikaru-kun?_

That one.

_Why?_

Because Kaoru-kun is over there.

_How can you tell?_

Because

He's

All

Alone.

_Even games must stop._


End file.
